oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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