I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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