You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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