The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
