People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
