I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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