Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
