it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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