No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
