i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Floor bacon is actually really good
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
