I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
