I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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