I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
