At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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