Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
The air was thick with penises
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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