I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
My vagina is officially offended.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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