Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
