I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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