Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
