Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
This is my gift to your gina
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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