i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
