When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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