i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
