i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
