He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
