it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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