Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
