I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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