the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
