Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
