Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
