I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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