Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
