i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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