Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
