Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself

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(415): View more from California

Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.

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(520): View more from Arizona

So you had sex with my brother?

(1-520): View more from Arizona

It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.

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(847): View more from Illinois

I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted

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(225): View more from Louisiana

I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that

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(201): View more from New Jersey

nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment

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(757): View more from Virginia

I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.

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(408): View more from California

Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.

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(949): View more from California

The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.

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