Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Randomize
