So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
