great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Congratulations! We have a period
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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