I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
