It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I deserve to be covered in dicks
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
