Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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