so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
