I want to walk on stilts...naked
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
