i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Bring me that man meat
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