i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
