where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
