Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
After tacos, we're chasing women.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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