Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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