Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
This is classic penis vs brain.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
